Ever been turned on by the idea of a partner talking dirty to you? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! Dirty talk is a common and popular sexual interest. Dirty talk may feel weird at initially as your brain wheels through the perfect nasty things to say to your partner. To master the dirty talk game, you don’t need to be an adult novelist or a watt-pad fanfic author. All you need is confidence, confidence, confidence, and of course, a willing partner! But have you ever wondered why dirty talk can build so much excitement in or even outside the bedroom?
The findings in a survey among 4175 Americans showed that 91% have fantasized about a partner talking dirty to them, and 49% have frequent fantasies about dirty talk. And fun fact – women tend to fantasize about it more often than men. So what is it about dirty talk that turns people on so much?
Getting out of your head
One of the biggest reasons why dirty talk turns people on is because sex is a de-stressor. Oxytocin – a stress reducer chemical, is released when you reach orgasm. When stress levels are reduced, you may feel less self-conscious about voicing out what you truly want, feel, and desire; pretty much like a confidence-boost. All the dirty and nasty thoughts you’ve had in your head about your partner comes slipping out as you reach an orgasm. The power of dirty talk can allow you to get out of your own head and into the mood.
Love on the brain? More like Sex on the Brain
Talking dirty stimulates our brains, which is where a significant portion of the arousal from the sexual experience originates from. Although your genitals handle a lot of the work in terms of sexual arousal, your brain is in charge of a bigger part of it than you might imagine, mainly your sex drive. The brain’s role in sexual desire could explain why you’re not in the mood to go to bed with your partner especially in situations where you might be unhappy or under a lot of pressure. In the Hormone Research Study conducted in 2005, the preoptic part of the suprachiasmatic nucleus and two parts of the hypothalamus are responsible for sexual pleasure. When you talk dirty to your partner, it generates a strong effect on both of them, which in turn, gets you and your partner turned on.
Some people, on the other hand, are turned on by the submissive part of talking dirty, particularly when they have dominant or powerful roles to fulfill in their day to day lives. Talking dirty also activates the amygdala – a part of the brain which controls fear, pleasure, and excitement. The whispers, and moans accompanied by dirty talk are all processed by the brain’s hearing centre, including the temporal lobe, frontal lobe, and the occipital lobe. The same sensations that make people enjoy responsibility also cause people to be aroused by submission.
Looking for ways to spice up your sex life? Dirty talk is found to be an extremely helpful in improve sex life, even if it is used outside of the bedroom. Research found that hints of dirty phrases into your conversation with your partner during the day can lead to more passionate sex afterwards. It can be as easy as “I just woke up from a dream about us. I can’t wait to tell you about tonight *inserts wink emoji*”.
If the idea of talking dirty to your boo makes you feel nervous or self-conscious, it’s totally fine! You can check in with him or her beforehand. But remember – consent is important. Not everyone is comfortable with dirty talks. For example, not everyone enjoys being called a “slut” during sex or being asked to call your partner “daddy”, and they might take it as an insult (definitely an immediate turn-off). Dirty talk doesn’t always have to be vulgar or deragotory, it’s more about – does it make you feel hot? What makes a phrase dirty is how turned on you get from hearing it. Be the person that champions your partner’s sexual fantasy, not crushes it. This is why it is important to talk to your partner about your interests in dirty talk as it can be a great way to reduce the anxiety when you’re actually in the moment. Asking what your partner needs or wants from you and vise versa opens up the lines of communication to show that you are open to spicing things up in the bedroom. Verbalizing the sexual roles you want and hearing what your partner wants to do to you is essential in sexual arousal. After all, the key to having mind-blown sex is to communicate, explore, and communicate some more.
Dirty talk does not have to be extra or super creative. It should feel good to you and your partner. Let it elevate your sexual experience, not hinder or dampen it. The sooner you disregard the pressure you put on the idea of ‘dirty talk’, the easier it will be for you and your partner to explore and enjoy the sexual experience. You are on nobody’s schedule to learn how to dirty talk except your own. How comfortable you feel with yourself and in your relationship are the most important things in talking dirty. If you already know the right dirty things to say, then all that’s left for you to do is – go for it!